[ti]Private[/ti]Ghost in the Machine

[bits]

Nighttime was one of Sootkit's favourite times. Sure, most of the time she was asleep for the better part of the night - she was a kitten after all, and though she was small, she was still growing. She likely wouldn't get to the full size of most of her denmates (the consequences of her mother's difficult and fatal pregnancy) but she was still going to get bigger. Most nights she slept in her favourite spot - a dugout divet in the nursery, with some bedding and her favourite chewing stone. She was old enough now not to try and intrude on the other families in the nursery, and she was fine on her own. That being said, she wasn't great at sleeping - whether it was waking up due to the sounds of others nearby or simply being too restless to hold still, Sootkit had a night or two once in a while where she couldn't sleep. There was no point in staying the nursery during these times, so she tended to creep out - like she did tonight. 

A little sore from the roughhousing today (she wasn't the most popular kid, and she tended to dig herself a deeper grave with every interaction), the tortie got herself out of the nursery and out into the camp. It was fairly quiet, and Sootkit was not a particularly eye-catching critter; the little gremlin child found herself a semi-isolated spot near-ish to the nursery. She rolled a pebble around in her mouth, fixated on the sensation of chewing and biting things even now. She was a weird kid, after all.

Once she found herself in her little spot, she let herself gaze upwards towards the stars. They were cool looking, but Sootkit preferred the dirt and mud down here. Some older cats said that the dead lived in the stars, but that seemed weird - how did they get there? Were there directions? The stars didn't smell like anything, so how was anyone able to find their way there? The kitten didn't get it. So she entertained herself by scratching marks in the snow with her kitten claws, quietly entertaining herself in the hopes of getting tired soon.

[M'Lady]

Owleyes didn't particularly like going down to the clans two days in a row, as there were supreme nap spots both in the stars and below them. However, when she peeked in on Mothclan briefly before heading to sleep, and seeing a little kit sneak out of the nursery? Well, for one thing she wanted to keep an eye on it, make sure that they didn't get hurt. But also, she was rather curious. What were they doing? She recognized them briefly from her little peek ins on her kin in Mothclan, but otherwise wasn't sure who it was.

So, Owleyes walked forward, yellow eyes closing slightly, until soft warm grassy ground turned to cool hardpacked dirt underneath her paws. She opened luminous yellow eyes, which glowed softly with an ethereal light, to find herself at the front of Mothclan's camp, a little ways outside the entrance. She moved forward, her steps as silent as they'd always been, as she moved towards where she'd seen the kit hiding, a bit outside the nursery. She cleared her throat softly, making sure the kit would know she was coming before she moved forward to greet them, settling on the ground. She looked rather young, Owleyes did. Her fur was short and soft, and her tail wasn't as voluminous with thick fur as it had been in her later years. There was also a cheerful exuberance to her, that well complimented her warm smile. All in all, she could pass for a newly named warrior of the clan.

"Hello there," She hummed softly, her voice as lyrical as a songbirds. "What are you doing out so late?"

[bits]

And then there was sound. 

Sootkit let her yellow eyes flick sharply to the stranger, a moment of suspicion lingering in them. For a young cat, despite being nearly apprentice aged, she was terribly paranoid it seemed. It may have stemmed from the pattern of being scolded, or maybe from the contentious relationships Sootkit had with her denmates. After all, she had had her fair share of bites, bruises, and claw marks from upset kittens who didn't want her to be saying or doing the things she did. It didn't stop her eccentricity, but it made her warier of being near others. 

But Owleyes, though young looking, seemed to be an adult. Adults didn't hit kittens, and the worst that would happen was Sootkit might be scolded for her behaviour - something she wasn't a stranger to in general. So the kitten seemed to give the ghost a once over, shrug, and go back to running her claws through the dirt.

"I dunno you."

She announced, seemingly unbothered by the stranger but deciding that was how to respond to the initial question. She needed a moment to think about what she was doing, and oftentimes her need to think through her words left her speech disjointed and oddly patterned.

"I was'n sleepin'. Sometimes I come out here when I can't sleep. S'nice to look at the stars, and there's no one to bug me. What're you doin'?"

[M'Lady]

Her whiskers danced in amusement from the kit's rather blunt tone as they addressed her, and then moved to sit beside the odd little one as they continued to speak, her words skipping around rather intriguingly. Her speech reminded Owleyes of a cat she knew in Mothclan, though their speech was slurred by a thick accent rather than jumbled with unfinished thoughts.

"I used to do that too," The young Starclan warrior reassured the little kit, a smiled glimmering on her features. "When I heard stories of Starclan, I used to wonder if they could hear me when I talked to them." Her tail curled around her paws, as she remembered being greeted by her two lost sisters in the stars, Graykit and Smokekit, who insisted they hung on to her every word throughout her life. It had warmed her heart. Though, she wasn't sure if this kit should know her true identity, so Owleyes merely continued vaguely.

"Just like you, I suppose. I couldn't really sleep. I took a few naps today, so that may be why I feel a bit restless now." That bit was only slightly true. Though Owleyes had all the energy of a young warrior again, her mind still felt so weary from seasons of difficult work and hard choices, that she could sleep forever if she wanted to.

"What's your name?"

[bits]

I used to wonder if they could hear me.

Could they? Sootkit scrunched their nose up, looking hard at the stars above the two of them. Was that the case? Starclan listening to them? That seemed unlikely. After all, Sootkit had never seen anyone talking to Starclan... though she guessed the medicine cats were supposed to be able to do that. She wasn't certain the mechanics of that though - did they always hear Starclan? Was it in dreams? For all Sootkit knew, the leaves rearranged themselves in patterns that the medicine cats then interpreted. Sootkit's world was confined to the nursery and its going ons, with few exceptions.

"I dunno 'bout that. Stars are far away."

She shrugged, seemingly content with not knowing whether or not Starclan was real or present in their lives. Sootkit wasn't certain whether or not she would try talking to Starclan; she supposed she could, but it seemed silly to talk to people she's never met. None of this seemed worthwhile to say out loud though; what use would Owleyes get from her wondering about the helpfulness of Starclan? 

Then the warrior explained what she was doing awake; Sootkit nodded sagely, neither interested nor bored by the statement. Adults talked about weird things sometimes, and Sootkit was at least good at staying quiet - it gave her the appearance of being a decent listener, though the veracity of that claim was hard to prove. She let a moment pass after the question as if she needed to think about the answer to what is your name. 

"Sootkit. I'll be an apprentice soon. I still don't know you."

Apparently, 'I don't know you' was Sootkit speak for 'who are you'. 

[M'Lady]

Well, Sootkit wasn’t wrong. The stars were indeed far away, and not all of them always listened. Sometimes they were busy with other matters to listen to the musings of a young wanderer. Even now they were... well, those plans had a long way to go. No need to speak of them just yet. Instead of a sad response like that, however, Owleyes merely gave the kit a soft smile accompanied by even softer words.

“Don’t worry, not all the stars are as far off as you think.”

She mused, and then pricked her ears forward as the kit finally introduced themselves, and then quickly followed it up with another statement of ‘I don’t know you.’ Ah, that’s what they were getting at.

“Pardon my manners,” she hummed, flicking her tail lightly. “My name is Owleyes, young one. We’ve never met.” That much was certainly true. She had never met this kit in her lifetime, since they had not yet become an apprentice. Though, she wondered if the kit would notice her scent, if they were paying that much attention. Instead of the chilly winter mixed in with the scent of Mothclan camp, Owleyes’ fur was scented with the flowers of spring, as it was always lovely weather in Starclan, and the slowly fading scent of her old home in Ivyclan. She wasn’t quite sure how scents worked in Starclan, but perhaps the Ivyclan would stay there so long as she wanted it, and Owleyes wasn’t ready to give it up just yet.

“Do you have family in the stars, Sootkit?” She would like to visit them when she went back, make sure they’re checking up on this little oddball. Everyone deserved someone watching out for them, after all.

[bits]

Perhaps knowing who she spoke to would have given a different meaning to the words shared by Owleyes, but Sootkit was either unaware or couldn't piece together the information presented to her. She was, after all, a kitten; a shrewd one, yes, and suspicious at that - but a kitten nonetheless. She was not yet capable of bridging the metaphysical clues together to come to a conclusion about the feline she spoke to. Sure, the scent was weird - but Sootkit rolled around in mud and dirt and snow all day, which made her smell odd. Maybe Owleyes worked with medicine cats sometimes - last time Sootkit had smelled like plants, it was because of Honeykit and her adventure in the medicine cat den (she was almost certain that particular grown-up would have a bone to pick with her forever). Regardless, there was no response Sootkit thought necessary for the comment about the stars - the kitten simply let silence stand for a moment until Owleyes introduced herself. Sootkit didn't know any Owl's; this was her first. She liked the name though, which made sense given her habit of staring in the same manner as the creature in question. The next question, however, made the kitten frown a little.

"Prolly. I don't know 'em though. Th'others say my ma died when I was little. Don't know o'any others."

It wasn't said sadly. There was no mourning or grief in the child's tone, and why would there be? While the absence of a family certainly had its effects on a young mind, Sootkit wasn't sure how she was supposed to miss someone she had never met. Her life was fine; it was her norm, and she had no qualms with it. From what she saw, mothers were fussy and scolding most of the time, and her little heart didn't acknowledge the softer side of family. Whether that was a defect within her or an attempt at keeping herself from feeling left out was a mystery both to the kitten and to those around her.

"Sometimes other kittens get weird about it."

The statement was very matter-of-fact. Her denmates, with one exception thus far, were not particularly fond of the often squalid kitten. Sootkit was, after all, incredibly strange - she chewed on things (losing a tooth to a strong bite on the wrong object), didn't like strangers to touch her without warning, and tended to prefer her own company over the company of others. She wasn't upset about it, but it created a rift between her denmates and herself; a rift that neither side seemed keen to bridge. It made tense situations worse and was the reason for her extensive history with roughhousing and not-so-playful fights. It bore repeating though - she didn't appear upset about it. If anything, her yellow eyes blinked at Owleyes without much stake in the situation at all. Perhaps with no reference, it was easy to accept this as the norm of all things; as with family, how could she miss being a friend and a loved one if she'd never truly experienced it? 

"I don't think it matters. S'not like I knew my ma, so why would it matter if she's gone?"

[M'Lady]

She didn't feel much pity for the little kit, as she did for the kits mother. Watching her child grow up all alone in the clans, barely knowing her name. It must be awful. Owleyes made a note to find the she-cat when she went back up to the grassy fields of Starclan, before returning her attentions to Sootkit. She didn't feel quite as bad for the little one. She didn't know her mother, it was difficult to form feelings for someone you didn't know. Owleyes didn't know her mother, either.

"It doesn't have to matter to you," She spoke softly, yellow eyes flickering up to the silver spotted sky. "But remember that it matters to others, okay? Some of them might still be sad even when you are not." Her father had been so sad after her mother passed away. Sure, he still played with and took care of little Owlkit, but it must be so difficult when she looked exactly like her mother. A pang went through her chest. Was that what Moorwhisker was doing now? She'd visited her own kits when she could, and had only just the other morning sat inside the nursery entrance with Prancekit to watch the rainfall outside. The most quiet of her kits, the little darling didn't say a word as she pressed up to her mother. Owleyes wondered if she'd even completely realized that she was gone.

"I'll say hello to your mother for you, if I can. Maybe you'll meet her someday in Starclan." She curled her tail around her paws, offering the little kit a small smile. "You're almost old enough to be an apprentice, right? Are you excited?"

(short and late, sorry!!)

[bits]

(no worries!)

Empathy was not Sootkit's strong suit, and she scrunched up her nose when Owleyes tried to explain to her that others might care about something she didn't care about. Apparently, Sootkit was still developing her sense of empathy and connection with others and acknowledging (much less respecting) the feelings of others... that was something she needed to learn how to do still. If nothing else, the kitten's confusion seemed to show through the scrunch of her face, and the slight frown on her lips as she tried to digest that information.

Well, she'd learn one day. Probably.

"I guess. I wanna get outta th'nursery. S'too crowded - and I gotta learn how to fight."

That was her goal with apprenticeship, after all - learning how to defend herself. She didn't do too poorly right now, but her denmates weren't exactly kind to her, and she didn't feel like stewing about while they got better at fighting... she had to be able to keep up with the others to make sure that she wasn't hurt or out-done. She yawned, presumably more preoccupied with her selfish take on the situation than what Owleyes had to say. It wasn't terribly unusual for children to be self-centered, so perhaps that wasn't too worrisome for now - it was a sign of immaturity in the quiet child though.