Post by Loon on Oct 14, 2019 1:01:48 GMT
Milkpaw, the ever quiet, polite, and generally unnoticed apprentice, had simply returned to his nest, seemingly invisible to his clanmates, after watching the ceremonies and giving curt, silent congratulations to his previous denmates.
He didn't want to be rude, he just couldn't stand to stay out there alone in the crowd. Everyone else had someone to talk to, the new warriors and their families were celebrating, and he felt as though he were intruding. He had never been particularly close to any of the new warriors, nor had he been to his denmates. He had never really been close to anyone in his clan, he thought distantly.
I don't have the right to celebrate with them as though I've made any difference.
His pelt may stand out, but his personality and his qualities sure don't, he was the average, really. No one had ever really payed any special attention to him before. He had been alone in this clan since the day he had been weaned, his mother had no reason to stay with him, after all, he would live without her from that point on, and that was the only reason he was born. To keep the clan alive by merely existing within it.
Milkpaw wasn't going to lie to himself and say that he wasn't jealous, but he wasn't going to talk about it to others. It wasn't their fault he was alone. He could have actually tried to talk to them, but where would that get him in the long run? He had talked to his mother all the time, and look at where that got him. Abandoned, thats where.
He wasn't really sad about it anymore. It had become the new normal. Maybe he'd be able to be sad about it later, but not now. He had to stay strong for his clan.
If any of the other apprentices came in, he would have to make some kind of excuse to leave camp. The warriors didn't like it when he left without his mentor or another warrior, but they never did much more than make him fetch the elders new bedding.
Oh well, he thought. For now, he would be alone with his thoughts. Maybe he could even let himself really feel sad for the first time in awhile.
That would be nice, and after all, what harm would it do, if no one else sees?
He'd be alone for awhile.
Or so he thought...
He didn't want to be rude, he just couldn't stand to stay out there alone in the crowd. Everyone else had someone to talk to, the new warriors and their families were celebrating, and he felt as though he were intruding. He had never been particularly close to any of the new warriors, nor had he been to his denmates. He had never really been close to anyone in his clan, he thought distantly.
I don't have the right to celebrate with them as though I've made any difference.
His pelt may stand out, but his personality and his qualities sure don't, he was the average, really. No one had ever really payed any special attention to him before. He had been alone in this clan since the day he had been weaned, his mother had no reason to stay with him, after all, he would live without her from that point on, and that was the only reason he was born. To keep the clan alive by merely existing within it.
Milkpaw wasn't going to lie to himself and say that he wasn't jealous, but he wasn't going to talk about it to others. It wasn't their fault he was alone. He could have actually tried to talk to them, but where would that get him in the long run? He had talked to his mother all the time, and look at where that got him. Abandoned, thats where.
He wasn't really sad about it anymore. It had become the new normal. Maybe he'd be able to be sad about it later, but not now. He had to stay strong for his clan.
If any of the other apprentices came in, he would have to make some kind of excuse to leave camp. The warriors didn't like it when he left without his mentor or another warrior, but they never did much more than make him fetch the elders new bedding.
Oh well, he thought. For now, he would be alone with his thoughts. Maybe he could even let himself really feel sad for the first time in awhile.
That would be nice, and after all, what harm would it do, if no one else sees?
He'd be alone for awhile.
Or so he thought...