[ti]Open[/ti]Alone Once More

[silverfang218]

All of the fears of his family and friends dying that Shadowgaze had during his separation from the clans seemed to be coming true. He owed his life to Barkfur, as it had been the tortie warrior who had taught him the basics of hunting. Bark had been his first brother, long before Hungrybelly and her litter adopted him, and he had been the first to call the tiny grey kit family with no hesitation or disappointment in his voice. Rivershine had accepted him as well, bringing him into her little family.

And now they were gone.

Shadowgaze had known that Barkfur got ill, and he had even visited the warrior once while he was in the medicine cat den, but Barkfur was a strong, young warrior, much stronger and healthier than tiny Shadowgaze. Illness couldn’t possibly do any lasting harm to such a cat, could it? The next thing Shadow knew, Barkfur was dead and Rivershine was missing. Another major piece of his family had been ripped away with no warning, and Shadow wasn’t sure he could recover from this blow.

Shadow had become a different cat; he vanished before cats got up in the morning and could rarely be found during the day. His nest looked and smelled like it had been slept in come morning, but he was only barely sighted enough each day that cats knew he hadn’t gone missing as well. He had stopped eating entirely, quickly dropping back down to an unhealthy weight; he looked ill, as cats can sometimes get if they suddenly stop eating like that, but he would barely speak much less actually seek help.

Today, Shadow is hiding up in a tree deep within the woods. He is laying on a branch with leaves starting to grow and hide the branch from view. Shadow is only visible at all because his tail hangs down below the leaves, though the grey tom’s scent easily points toward his location. His head is resting on his paws, his violet gaze staring into nothing.

[Meow]

Wildwing hadn't seen Shadowgaze around camp all day. It had been a hard few days for the clan; first, Starlingpaw vanished to become a loner, then Scorchpaw defected to MothClan, and then, to make things even worse, Barkfur died from a sudden illness, and Rivershine was nowhere to be found, likely off somewhere mourning to loss of her brother. It was like all of Shadowgaze's family had vanished over the course of a few days, and Wildwing had been horribly worried for his mate. The disappearance of his own mother had been hard enough on Wildwing... he couldn't imagine losing so many precious cats all at once. While he, too, had enjoyed the company of Owlstar's family, Barkfur, and Rivershine, he didn't love them the way that Shadowgaze did. To Shadowgaze, it was like everyone in the clan was apart of his family, and he cared deeply about all of them.

He was probably losing it!

Wildwing sniffled as he padded through the forest, following a trail of Shadowgaze's scent. He couldn't bear the thought of his mate somewhere all alone, crying without anyone to talk to. It was time someone stepped up and showed Shadowgaze that he'd never be alone, not as long as Wildwing was around! Even if he had to tear the whole forest apart to find Shadowgaze, he would do it just to make sure that he was okay.

It didn't take long before the scent trail came to a stop before a tall tree, its branches covered in the young leaves of new-leaf. For a moment, Wildwing glanced around the tree's roots, confused tears now leaking out of his eyes. Where was Shadowgaze? Then, he thought to look up, his widened eyes searching the branches for a sign of his mate. He couldn't see a thing... until what looked like a gray caterpillar twitched as it hung from one of the branches. It was a tail! Shadowgaze's tail!

Wildwing gasped, before he threw himself at the tree, scaling it faster than a squirrel on crack cocaine, elated to have found his mate. Once he came to the branch, Wildwing threw himself from the trunk of the tree, his front claws barely managing to grip the branch in time before he plummeted to his death. He let out a quiet cry as his claws slipped a bit with his weight, though, in just a few moments, he had stabilized himself, and he hung peacefully from the tree. "Shadowgaze, Shadowgaze! I looked all over the camp for you, and I looked in your nest, and I asked everyone where you were, but you were nowhere to be found," Wildwing rambled to Shadowgaze's tail, his eyes filled with emotion. "I was so scared! Are you okay? Are you hurt? Do you wanna talk? I'll listen!"

[silverfang218]

Shadowgaze is so lost in thought he doesn’t hear his mate’s approach… until his mate flies onto the branch that Shadow was so peacefully resting on while talking almost too quickly for Shadow to make out the words. Using his size to his advantage, Shadow darts a little further out on the branch, so that the larger and heavier Wildwing can sit closer to the tree’s trunk where it’s safer. He reaches down and grabs Wild’s scruff, trying hard to pull the much larger tom up onto the branch with him, but Shadow quickly realizes he’s probably not helping and lets go to allow Wildwing to pull himself up. “I’m fine, I’m fine, sorry for scaring you, Wildwing.” While Shadowgaze is anxious to reassure his mate that he is fine and it shows in his voice, his voice also holds an empty quality. It feels like his soul was torn into a bunch of little pieces, one of which is being held for safekeeping by his derpy, beloved mate. The rest of the pieces… it feels like they were carried away in the wind along with all his lost family members.

Shadow’s gaze watches carefully as Wildwing hopefully pulls himself up onto the branch. “I dunno if there’s anything for me to talk about. I’m losing all my family all over again, and it just kinda sucks. Kinda feels like I’m off on my own again.” Shadowgaze shrugs. “You better not leave me too, otherwise” His voice cracks a bit as some emotions break through in his empty voice, “otherwise I don’t know what I’ll do.” In truth, that’s Shadow’s biggest fear. The only cats who have truly stuck with him since he was little that he’s truly loved and are still alive are Owlstar and Wildwing. Wildwing, especially, has always been Shadowgaze’s other half (better half, in Shadow’s mind). If something happened to Wildwing, it’s probable that Shadow would just lay down and not move until he died, like he went braindead. Barkfur had also been very close in a more brotherly way, and Shadowgaze had never thought the two toms closest to him would ever leave his side. Oh, how wrong he was. Now that Barkfur is gone, Shadow is almost waiting for something to happen to Wildwing. After all, every cat besides Owlstar and Wildwing have abandoned him (he knows that it wasn’t some by choice for some of them, but the end result is the same) into this world. They’ll most certainly be next on the world’s list, if only for the reason that he loves them, right?

His violet eyes fill up with tears at the very thought, but not a single tear falls nor does he make a single noise to betray how much he’d like to cry. He’s been strong before; as long as Wildwing is by his side, Shadow can slowly recover from anything.

[Meow]

"'S all good!" Wildwing wasn't mad at Shadowgaze at all! He was just happy to see that his mate was safe and sound. As long as Shadowgaze was alive and breathing, Wildwing had nothing to complain about!

The spotted tom huffed with the effort of pulling himself up onto the branch, grateful for Shadowgaze's help as his arms scolded him for making such a reckless leap. He'd have to remember to look before he jumped next time, or maybe lay off the mice a bit. When Wildwing finished crawling back up to safety, he plopped down on the branch, causing it to sway slightly. Despite his goofiness, though, Wildwing's expression was serious, tinged with the sadness he knew his mate must feel, too. The two of them had been together their whole lives; try as he might, Shadowgaze would never really be able to hide his real feelings from Wildwing, especially since he was a mostly open book.

Shadowgaze's words caused tears to quickly begin to form in Wildwing's eyes, the break in his mate's voice causing a break in his heart."I ain't goin' nowhere, Shadowgaze, and you can bet on that," Wildwing reassured him, his voice a bit softer now. "Y-you'll never be alone, okay? You have me and Owlstar and Rainfur! 'Nd I'm never going to leave your side, not ever. StarClan can try to take me, but I won't let 'em. I'd come back from the dead if I had to," Wildwing rambled, sniffling as he spoke. He wanted Shadowgaze to feel better. He didn't want him to be bitter and act tough! "I know we've lost a lotta cats recently, and they were your family too, and it's really sad... but you'll never be alone."

[silverfang218]

Shadowgaze knew exactly what his mate would say the moment he confessed that he felt alone and feared losing Wildwing; it still felt good to hear Wild say it aloud. “That’s right. You wouldn’t dare leave me; I’d have to hunt you down. I’d follow you all the way to Dark Forest if I had to.” Shadow declares, meaning it one hundred percent. He starts to lick Wild’s nose and face, carefully so as to hopefully not get Wild so worked up that they both end up falling off the branch. Shadow’s now trying to cheer Wild up, knowing that if Wildwing starts to cry, he’ll have to start crying as well. Then there will just crying cats probably falling out of the tree, and that’s just no good.

The conversation, simple and short as it is, has already made Shadow feel somewhat better. He still is grieving, and once Wildwing and him are separated again by daily routines, Shadow will likely go right back to feeling isolated. For now though, it’s hard to be alone with so much love pointed in his direction. “Thanks, Wildwing. You always know how to cheer me up. I can’t hardly be alone when you love me so much.” He purrs softly to his mate. “I’ll be okay, eventually.” His eyes are still filled with unshed tears, both from the pain in his chest and joy at his mate’s determination to make him feel better. He’s been a bit of a mess for a long time now, but no one ever gave up on him. Not Wildwing, or Owlstar, or Rainfur. Or Barkfur or Rivershine.

He crouches down on the branch so he can grip it better with his claws, just in case Wildwing makes any sudden movements as the larger warrior is known to do on a whim sometimes, but he puts himself nose to nose with his beloved mate. “I love you so much it hurts, you know that right?” He mews quickly, his words almost too quiet to hear. The look on his face says the same thing, however, so Wildwing can easily understand him even if he can’t hear Shadow’s whisper. Shadow’s voice still sounds a bit empty, courtesy of the hole deep down in his chest, but his eyes look more alive at least, an improvement from the cold look of death that was held in their depths at first.