[ti]Private[/ti]Farewell to the Place that's Never been Home

[silverfang218]

Shadowgaze cautiously trots towards Owlstar, not quite sure exactly how she was going to take what he and Rainfur were about to tell her. She probably won’t take it well, Shadow imagines, and even if she does just coldly tell them to get out, Shadow is sure that reaction will hurt Rainfur. There is no situation that Shadowgaze can see where they walk out of this unharmed. Even so, there was no way either of them were going to walk away without saying goodbyes. All other farewells having been completed, Shadow only has to leave his old mentor, role model, and adoptive caretaker. He comes to a stop in front of Owlstar, before glancing down at his paws. Forcing his words out of his mouth quickly turns into the most difficult thing he’s ever had to do.

“Owlstar… me and Wildwing have come to a decision. We are leaving IvyClan; you’ve changed a lot recently and… well... IvyClan just doesn’t feel like my home anymore and it is painful for me to stay here any longer. I wanted to come say goodbye.” Shadow’s violet gaze looks up to meet the eyes of one of his adoptive mothers. There’s a great deal of pain in his eyes, clearly reflecting how much it hurts to break free of her. There’s also a great deal of sorrow; he had fought for so long to get back to his home, only to eventually discover that it isn’t his home. It was never truly his home to start with, he only believed it was. His home was a place that he can never return to, way up in the mountains surrounded by loved ones who aren’t waiting there any longer, but now at least he can look for a new home with the cats who love him the most.

His explanation out there, Shadow flicks an ear, inviting Rainfur to speak his piece too. Shadowgaze takes a step away from Owlstar, ears already drooping under the verbal assault that he expects to follow.

[Meow]

Rainfur quietly followed after his adoptive son, his drooping eyes focused on his paws as they approached Owlstar. He'd worn himself out the night before with his endless worrying and dread, and now, he barely felt anything. He wanted to get this over with- he could cry it out later when no one was around to see him break down one last time, to see him finally let go of everything he'd built up for himself over the past year of his life.

Rainfur watched as Shadowgaze gave his quick goodbye to the she-cat who had once been his world, his eyes a bit glazed over. He didn't know what to expect- what Owlstar would say. But, at this point, he didn't need to expect anything. He'd just think about the moon that he'd stared at the night before, and how he'd soon be looking at it by the sides of the cats he loved most. When Shadowgaze looked to him to say his own goodbye, Rainfur was quiet for a few moments.

"...I want to be loved," Rainfur murmured simply. "I'm tired of this place. I'm tired of being weaker and dumber than everyone else. I just want to go home," Rainfur murmured distantly. "...wherever that is."

[M'Lady]

Out of everyone, they were the last she expected to leave.
They were the ones that had helped her realize this place could be a new home. It was her new home.
She didn't yell. She didn't cry. There wasn't any of that left reserved for them. She supposed she was... Used to it.
What a horrible feeling that was.

"Ivyclan's changing," She spoke evenly to Shadowgaze, though her voice seemed rather empty when she talked to him. If grief and fury were the only emotions weighing her down, listening to this, what was the point in letting him hear them? "I had no choice but to change too." It was as little of an apology she could give without shouting at him. She couldn't shout at him. Her kits were different, they left without a word, without an ounce of regard.
She could see what this was doing to him. Owlstar wasn't blind. She'd been named for the eyes that noticed all, and he came to say goodbye even though it was killing him.
She couldn't shout at her first kit, her best apprentice, her once closest warrior.

Rainfur was different.
She wondered if their kits got this notion of leaving from him, but quickly dismissed the thought. He'd stayed when no one else would. Now he was leaving when everyone else had gone. She searched for words, for anything she could say. Get him to stay, maybe?
But there were none. She could see it, in the eyes she'd fallen in love with.
There was nothing left for him here.
Her voice was quiet, hollow, when she spoke again.
"You were never weak to me."

And, that was it.
She had nothing left to say to them, her voice was caught in her throat.
She couldn't yell at them, but she couldn't coldly brush them away either.
For once, her yellow gaze fell, unable to hold anyone else's. For once, she stepped back first, unable to stand her ground.
Her eyes squeezed shut, so she wouldn't have to watch, she spoke a last time.

"Don't come back."