Post by Storm on Jul 7, 2018 1:36:52 GMT
BATSTRIKE
MothClan | Warrior | Tom | 12 Moons | Heterosexual
Batstrike was just recently named an IvyClan warrior. He had stepped out from beneath his mentor, Shadowstorms, wing. His time as an IvyClan warrior was short though. Shadowstorm had confided in his recently graduated apprentice that he was leaving the clan. The older tom had never spoken ill of their clan to Batstrike, but he had his reasons for deciding to go and he was leaving no matter what. He was planning to join the newly forming MothClan that had been rumored in the winds. Shadowstorm did more than just let his former student know he was leaving though, he requested the tom accompany him. He sold the new clan to Batstrike, an opportunity to prove his worth and to continue improving his skills. The black and white tom had listened to his old mentors words and resisted lightly as he thought through the idea. Leaving IvyClan was never even a thought to Batstrike, but suddenly it was all that rattled through his mind. He spent his whole apprenticeship trying to meet his mentors high expectations, to gain Shadowstorms approval. Now the cat he had grown close to and looked up to the most was extending the young tom an offer. Surly that meant he had impressed him in some way, surely that meant he wanted the young cat to continue to impress him. The warrior decided to take his mentors offer, but not before he considered what he'd be leaving behind. Batstrikes brother was his closest friend. He had gone to explain himself to the other tom, but the feline simply couldn't see himself not at his younger brothers side. The explanation turned into Batsrikes own request, for his brother to come along, and he did. Batstrike would stand between his former mentor and younger brother when they left their home for MothClan.
Much time had passed since then. Shadowstorm was already considered a strong warrior within the skilled clan, he just recently received yet another apprentice to train. Pinetuft had adjusted to the new clan quickly, almost as if he had planned to leave himself, without issue or complaint. Batstrike was the one held up in the past, the one that had not adjusted even though plenty of time had passed. To the tom that had picked up a habit to be hard on himself this was a difficult fact to swallow. He was embarrassed and thought of himself only as weak, where the others hadn't skipped a beat.
The sun had fallen asleep and the hum of the nights animals had taken over for the busy day. The moon was high in the dark, cloudless sky. Few cats were still wandering outside of the MothClan dens unless they had patrol duties. Some were out enjoying the time to themselves though, and Batstrike was among them. The night use to be the felines favorite time, quiet and peaceful, he enjoyed going for strolls or hunting on his own with a clear mind. Ever since he had joined the new clan it had been soiled though. Now his head was full of torrent and dangerous waters of thoughts, without even his own knowledge. So busy and so loud that they couldn't be collected into something sensible. He could definitely tell his thought process was off, that his mind was unusually lagged, but he couldn't figure out why. The tom was unsuccessful in his lone afternoon hunt and simply didn't return to camp after he had scared off all the nearby prey and given up. The tall and lean feline had climbed into one of the few trees within MothClans territory. He sat on one of the low and thick branches. Long tail hanging over the bark behind him, his golden gaze was set up to the sky. Batstrike stared blankly at StarClans marks against the darkness.
This place doesn't feel like home. I can't adjust to this place. I don't fit in here. I should just get used to it. I'm an embarrassment for still not figuring this out. I'm a weakling. I'm still a faulty hunter. I'll never prove myself as anything but an embarrassment. I've got nothing to add to this clan. I'm the weakest one among them.
He didn't consciously notice these words in his head, they slipped through as if they hadn't been said at all. His mind was so overloaded with cruel thoughts towards himself that he felt detached, a false quiet you could call it. A hum of static between his ears. This was how he felt every night now. His soul wasn't at peace and he was restless here. Instead of wanting to stay awake to take advantage of the time he enjoyed the most he was tortured by his own thoughts which kept him awake without him realizing it. The tom puffed out a sigh, his eyes were growing dry from the empty vigil His white tail tip twitched back and forth just a few times before he gathered his paws to stand. He gracefully leapt down to the dry grass that laid below him and finally padded back to camp. Once he reached the clearing he wandered to the warriors den and curled into a ball on his thin nest. Batstrike commanded his buzzing brain to silence, but still laid there for some time before passing into rest. Unfortunately his dreams were no kinder than his controlled unnoticed thoughts.
Traitor. Selfish. He couldn't let his mentor go and then he couldn't let his brother go either. His loyalty is so thin a kit's strike could slice through it. He'll never make it there. How could he tear his younger brother away from his parents? How could he split up his own family so easily? Coward. Weakling.
There was no vision to go along with the initial dream, just darkness as his conscious thoughts crept back into his unconscious where they originated. An echoing whisper crossed the emptiness. The voices of his old clanmates. They wished him ill for his abandonment. Batstrike was a quiet tom, but he was always listening. He had heard the others talking from over his shoulder, these were the kinds of things they said about others and he was sure these were the things being said about him. Even if he hadn't seen anyone from his previous clan since he left to hear what they thought, this was what he would have thought if someone had taken his actions so this is what he thought of himself. He couldn't lie to himself in his sleep. He blocked these things out while he was awake, but there was no filter to hold them back now. He truly hated his own disloyalty, but no matter how much he hated it he couldn't go back and undo his actions and he can't dedicate himself more to his new clan. He would never feel loyal to the rag tag that was pulling together soldiers, it's not a family, it's not a home. His big ears flattened against his head, he didn't want to hear anymore. He tossed and turned on the moss bedding, growing hot under his short fur from a rising fear and self-destruction. His motives for joining the clan were never shared, but would they know? Was he that easy to read? He had no reason to be here other than his mentor and he brought along his brother so he selfishly wouldn't have to choose between the two. He had no true allegiance to this clan.
They only see you as a follower and a coward. They know you're the weakest among them, they'll cast you out soon.
His brilliant yellow eyes shot open as he sucked in a breath. Batstrike felt his heart pounding within his chest, but the reason for its cause had escaped him. He felt as if he had woken from a nightmare, but what was it about? Just as his conscious thoughts attacked him unknowingly, this nightmare came and went as if it never happened. The sweat he had worked up shifted to a chill in the open MothClan camp, pulling his paws up closer to his body and wrapping his long tail over them. He laid awake like this for the remainder of the night, unable to fall back asleep. His eyes were weary as he looked out of the exit of the den until dawn arrived. He hadn't been able to fall asleep or stay asleep outside of a few hours a night maybe since joining the clan. The restless cycle continued yet again, torturing the young tom and leaving him without a reason as to why he felt like he barely existed here in MothClan.
NOTES: Please excuse Batsy, he is still subconsciously being hard on himself for being selfish and disloyal. He is not sleeping well and that kinda makes things worse so yeah this is a hard time for him, but only because he is taking it out on himself without really knowing. He is about to adjust and get over this stage, but I just wanted it to be clear that he struggled with changing clans because he judged himself how he would have judged others. He would have kept this to himself if it was someone else's actions, but since it's his own he's taking it out on himself. Soon he will quit dragging and start observing, laying on his charm and slicing down anyone that tries to start something… All while secretly being a sweetie. <3
MothClan | Warrior | Tom | 12 Moons | Heterosexual
Batstrike was just recently named an IvyClan warrior. He had stepped out from beneath his mentor, Shadowstorms, wing. His time as an IvyClan warrior was short though. Shadowstorm had confided in his recently graduated apprentice that he was leaving the clan. The older tom had never spoken ill of their clan to Batstrike, but he had his reasons for deciding to go and he was leaving no matter what. He was planning to join the newly forming MothClan that had been rumored in the winds. Shadowstorm did more than just let his former student know he was leaving though, he requested the tom accompany him. He sold the new clan to Batstrike, an opportunity to prove his worth and to continue improving his skills. The black and white tom had listened to his old mentors words and resisted lightly as he thought through the idea. Leaving IvyClan was never even a thought to Batstrike, but suddenly it was all that rattled through his mind. He spent his whole apprenticeship trying to meet his mentors high expectations, to gain Shadowstorms approval. Now the cat he had grown close to and looked up to the most was extending the young tom an offer. Surly that meant he had impressed him in some way, surely that meant he wanted the young cat to continue to impress him. The warrior decided to take his mentors offer, but not before he considered what he'd be leaving behind. Batstrikes brother was his closest friend. He had gone to explain himself to the other tom, but the feline simply couldn't see himself not at his younger brothers side. The explanation turned into Batsrikes own request, for his brother to come along, and he did. Batstrike would stand between his former mentor and younger brother when they left their home for MothClan.
Much time had passed since then. Shadowstorm was already considered a strong warrior within the skilled clan, he just recently received yet another apprentice to train. Pinetuft had adjusted to the new clan quickly, almost as if he had planned to leave himself, without issue or complaint. Batstrike was the one held up in the past, the one that had not adjusted even though plenty of time had passed. To the tom that had picked up a habit to be hard on himself this was a difficult fact to swallow. He was embarrassed and thought of himself only as weak, where the others hadn't skipped a beat.
The sun had fallen asleep and the hum of the nights animals had taken over for the busy day. The moon was high in the dark, cloudless sky. Few cats were still wandering outside of the MothClan dens unless they had patrol duties. Some were out enjoying the time to themselves though, and Batstrike was among them. The night use to be the felines favorite time, quiet and peaceful, he enjoyed going for strolls or hunting on his own with a clear mind. Ever since he had joined the new clan it had been soiled though. Now his head was full of torrent and dangerous waters of thoughts, without even his own knowledge. So busy and so loud that they couldn't be collected into something sensible. He could definitely tell his thought process was off, that his mind was unusually lagged, but he couldn't figure out why. The tom was unsuccessful in his lone afternoon hunt and simply didn't return to camp after he had scared off all the nearby prey and given up. The tall and lean feline had climbed into one of the few trees within MothClans territory. He sat on one of the low and thick branches. Long tail hanging over the bark behind him, his golden gaze was set up to the sky. Batstrike stared blankly at StarClans marks against the darkness.
This place doesn't feel like home. I can't adjust to this place. I don't fit in here. I should just get used to it. I'm an embarrassment for still not figuring this out. I'm a weakling. I'm still a faulty hunter. I'll never prove myself as anything but an embarrassment. I've got nothing to add to this clan. I'm the weakest one among them.
He didn't consciously notice these words in his head, they slipped through as if they hadn't been said at all. His mind was so overloaded with cruel thoughts towards himself that he felt detached, a false quiet you could call it. A hum of static between his ears. This was how he felt every night now. His soul wasn't at peace and he was restless here. Instead of wanting to stay awake to take advantage of the time he enjoyed the most he was tortured by his own thoughts which kept him awake without him realizing it. The tom puffed out a sigh, his eyes were growing dry from the empty vigil His white tail tip twitched back and forth just a few times before he gathered his paws to stand. He gracefully leapt down to the dry grass that laid below him and finally padded back to camp. Once he reached the clearing he wandered to the warriors den and curled into a ball on his thin nest. Batstrike commanded his buzzing brain to silence, but still laid there for some time before passing into rest. Unfortunately his dreams were no kinder than his controlled unnoticed thoughts.
Traitor. Selfish. He couldn't let his mentor go and then he couldn't let his brother go either. His loyalty is so thin a kit's strike could slice through it. He'll never make it there. How could he tear his younger brother away from his parents? How could he split up his own family so easily? Coward. Weakling.
There was no vision to go along with the initial dream, just darkness as his conscious thoughts crept back into his unconscious where they originated. An echoing whisper crossed the emptiness. The voices of his old clanmates. They wished him ill for his abandonment. Batstrike was a quiet tom, but he was always listening. He had heard the others talking from over his shoulder, these were the kinds of things they said about others and he was sure these were the things being said about him. Even if he hadn't seen anyone from his previous clan since he left to hear what they thought, this was what he would have thought if someone had taken his actions so this is what he thought of himself. He couldn't lie to himself in his sleep. He blocked these things out while he was awake, but there was no filter to hold them back now. He truly hated his own disloyalty, but no matter how much he hated it he couldn't go back and undo his actions and he can't dedicate himself more to his new clan. He would never feel loyal to the rag tag that was pulling together soldiers, it's not a family, it's not a home. His big ears flattened against his head, he didn't want to hear anymore. He tossed and turned on the moss bedding, growing hot under his short fur from a rising fear and self-destruction. His motives for joining the clan were never shared, but would they know? Was he that easy to read? He had no reason to be here other than his mentor and he brought along his brother so he selfishly wouldn't have to choose between the two. He had no true allegiance to this clan.
They only see you as a follower and a coward. They know you're the weakest among them, they'll cast you out soon.
His brilliant yellow eyes shot open as he sucked in a breath. Batstrike felt his heart pounding within his chest, but the reason for its cause had escaped him. He felt as if he had woken from a nightmare, but what was it about? Just as his conscious thoughts attacked him unknowingly, this nightmare came and went as if it never happened. The sweat he had worked up shifted to a chill in the open MothClan camp, pulling his paws up closer to his body and wrapping his long tail over them. He laid awake like this for the remainder of the night, unable to fall back asleep. His eyes were weary as he looked out of the exit of the den until dawn arrived. He hadn't been able to fall asleep or stay asleep outside of a few hours a night maybe since joining the clan. The restless cycle continued yet again, torturing the young tom and leaving him without a reason as to why he felt like he barely existed here in MothClan.
NOTES: Please excuse Batsy, he is still subconsciously being hard on himself for being selfish and disloyal. He is not sleeping well and that kinda makes things worse so yeah this is a hard time for him, but only because he is taking it out on himself without really knowing. He is about to adjust and get over this stage, but I just wanted it to be clear that he struggled with changing clans because he judged himself how he would have judged others. He would have kept this to himself if it was someone else's actions, but since it's his own he's taking it out on himself. Soon he will quit dragging and start observing, laying on his charm and slicing down anyone that tries to start something… All while secretly being a sweetie. <3
