[ti]Private[/ti]Grief is an Odd Thing...

[Broadwaykat]

It was a sad time when any cat died; indefinitely, someone would take their loss hard. Usually, members of the cats' family, or someone who was close to them. In the case of Thornflame, he was a tom who had luckily not made an effort to have much of a family. Certainly his clanmates mourned him; but in a distanced sort of way. Like a dull ache upon discovering something that was once there was no longer there. 

Except, perhaps, for his apprentice. 

Martenpaw would be the last cat one would suspect of being struck hard by emotional grief. He was nothing if not a ball of bravado and fur. He was desperately proud of everything he did, constantly boasting that he had the best of all worlds. The best fighting skills, the best looks - and indeed, the best mentor. He was prone to great outbursts, certainly - but of anger, not sadness. His way of facing his problems was to hit it with all he was worth until the issue solved itself.

At least, it had been. From the moment he had returned to camp, having stumbled across his mentor's still body, something seemed...off. Certainly, he hadn't put it together that he had found a corpse; he had of course held faith that something was just...wrong. Thornflame was indomitable; he had been injured, just sleeping it off. Even during his death ceremony he had been indignant, sitting vigil only because he'd been encouraged to. As the days went by, though, Martenpaw left the camp less and less, he kept his head down, shrugged off going out with Branchpaw and his other friendly apprentices. Even his antagonizing of his less-friendly adversaries ceased. 

Until a few days ago when he began to refuse leaving his nest entirely. He had lashed out at his newest mentor Heronflight, refusing to join her in training. He didn't want her.

He wanted Thornflame.

Storm (Finchtuft), gingersnapsdacat (Heronflight - in case you were interested)

[Storm]

Finchtuft
IvyClan | Medicine Cat Apprentice | She-Cat | 51 Moons | Heterosexual

Snow white fur fluffed like fresh flurries coating the earth, ornate with tabby calico patches, dipped into the apprentice den.  The newly assigned medicine cat apprentice had been given an assignment and she'd been told she'd find him here.  Finchtuft's face was a bit sour as her eyes adjusted to the lower lighting in the den.  The she-cat had to drop the sting of her reassignment and the stubborn act now though, she really was here on business.  One of the first duties entrusted to her as a medicine cat actually, even if it was just because Lilydawn was to busy to deal with a cat that wasn't actually ill and Finchtuft was still to new to be of any assistance in the cramped healing den.  She sucked in a deep breath as she scanned the empty nests until her blue gaze found one filled with the freckled brown tom she needed to speak with, Martenpaw. 

Word spreads quickly within the clan and while the thick grief that had clouded over this young apprentice was just as unexpected as the loss of his mentor to snake venom was, it did not go unnoticed.  He was expected to bounce back, pain dulls with time, but his most recent and more drastic withdrawal and actions called for more attention.  At least... That was what Finchtuft had been briefly told before she was sent off.  Unfortunately she was the worst she-cat for this situation, she was pretty ignorant to the feelings of others.  This stubborn acceptance in her new role was the longest the she-cat had ever really held onto a feeling, the rest of her troubles normally rolled right off her pelt.  This was hardly something she knew how to deal with, but perhaps this was also why Lilydawn sent her.  Surely if she was ever to be any good at her role she'd need to learn some subtlety.  

If Martenpaw continued to refuse training his apprenticeship would be prolonged and the clan wouldn't allow for him to continue to lash out at others, especially his new mentor.  So that was where she would try to make a difference.  Finchtuft placed a big paw on his stocky frame and rocked him gently a few time, "Martenpaw," she coaxed, her voice a bit louder than the empty den and setting called for but a softness was hinted in the tone.  

[Broadwaykat]

Martenpaw wouldn't say that he felt particularly sad, even. If pressed, he wouldn't say much of anything. It was more a numbness that had settled over the vibrant young cat - who usually didn't let even regular bumps and scrapes get him down. All he wanted, really, was to be left alone. Woe be to anyone who didn't understand that. The problem with living in a clan though, was that there was a lot of other cats around - and Martenpaw couldn't possibly be left alone for as long as he wanted to be. 

Take then, for instance, he was curled up in an impossibly tight ball, his tail draped over his muzzle to keep the mid-morning sunlight out of his eyes, when he felt someone firmly plant his paws onto his back, rocking him out of his carefully perfected roll of misery. He growled as nastily as he could manage, hoping that the gravelly noise would warn whoever it was away, but the voice made it clear that they weren't going be going soon. 

What idiot had sent a Medicine Cat after him?!

As it didn't seem that Finchtuft wasn't going to be going away anytime soon, he finally lifted his head up just a little bit; face set in a horrible glare that he fixed on the much older she-cat. "Yes?" He hissed. Despite the fact that his face may have said otherwise, his voice was strangely flat.

[gingersnapsdacat]

Meanwhile, Heronlight was at a bit of a loss. When she had been told that she was going to take over the mentoring duties of the recently deceased Thornflame, she had been thrilled! After all, she loved training apprentices, and she had plenty of experience in taking over training after her mentoring of Deerskip. So surely this time would be easy! Oh StarClan was she wrong. 
At first, she just suspected that her new apprentice was still getting over the loss of his former mentor, and she was willing to respect that. Sure, she had never experienced similar loss...but she could only guess that the distant nature of Martenpaw was his way of coping. But just a few sunrises ago, when her apprentice refused to even accompany her to the forest for training, she knew that it was going to take more than just distance to solve this problem. 
Perhaps I need to be more like Thornflame, she thought, pacing through the forest. He was... 
She had to rack her brain for a moment. She had not known Thornflame that well, certainly not enough to remember what kind of a mentor he would have been. 
Lets see...he expected a lot from everyone on patrols, so he would probably be similar to his apprentice?
"Oh fox-dung, how am I supposed to know?"

OOC: thought I would just drop a little blurb of what Heron was doing, 
Broadwaykat Storm

[Storm]

Finchtuft
IvyClan | Medicine Cat Apprentice | She-Cat | 51 Moons | Heterosexual

A smirk flickered across Finchtuft's maw at the warning alarm of a growl Martenpaw released.  No, she wasn't going anywhere- it was her first duty and she was going to succeed even if she had to smack the tom around a bit.  Maybe it was her age, or just her stubborn nature, but she wouldn't lose this battle that easily. She lifted her paw away when the apprentice finally started to stir to give her more grief.   The she-cats head dipped to the side ever-so-slightly and a sweet smile graced her face falsely in response to the felines tone.  This was going to be even harder than she thought with all that attitude, but she kept herself composed to the best of her ability.  "I won't lie to you, I was sent to chat with you about what was going on," her words were blunt, but honey dripped from the honesty.  Finchtuft did deeply care for this apprentice, he was Ivyclan and that meant a lot in her book.  

She'd knew the hurt of loss, she'd lost traitorous cats to MothClan- they were dead to her now, clanmates to the tribe and others between.  She couldn't say she felt what Martenpaw was feeling now though, this seemed much deeper than her soul reached.  "I'm sure you're struggling... we wanted to give you the time you needed, we really did.  You have to understand that were concerned for you though."  Finchtuft fell silent there, hoping the tom would share something, anything, with her.  She was usually quite the talker, but she couldn't work without more information on what was going through this apprentices mind.  

NOTES: Awe, Heron is so cute! 

[Broadwaykat]

ooc || I Knooow! Bless Heron. Marten's just a jerk XD.

I order to avoid Finchtuft's probing paws, Martenpaw rolled to the other side of his nest, grumbling all the while he did so. He seemed to be growing more and more every day, and his old nest served to be smaller than he remembered it - nearly allowing him to roll right out the other side and finally break against the edge - brambles that once helped to keep the place of their sleeping form crumbled and poked at his skin the most most uncomfortable way.

"Look what - why can't you just leave me alone!" He snapped, finally rising to his paws and giving his body a little shake, scattering leaf litter and bits of twig in different directions. He bared his teeth, an expression of fierce anger that didn't quite make his eyes; they were still somewhat dulled. "I'm not hurtin' anyone. I just want to be left alone!"

That settled, he did his best to settle back down in his nest, turning his back on Finchtuft.

[Storm]

Finchtuft
IvyClan | Medicine Cat Apprentice | She-Cat | 51 Moons | Heterosexual

The stocky she-cat held strong in her stance as he lashed out verbally, her facial expression blankly unimpressed.  White whiskers twitching, she had to take a moment to collect the urge to raise her voice and be the louder cat in the situation.  Finchtuft didn't see the inconsistence in the apprentice eyes and actions, but she still knew she needed to maintain her patience and show some kindness.  She did her best to express concern in her response.

"Well... You are hurting yourself.  You're not a warrior yet Martenpaw, you have duties and you still have to complete your training.  Down the line I don't want you to feel it was your own fault you got held back or weren't the best you could be."  The calico paused for a moment as her clan pride pushed itself into words, "Your clan needs you, ya' know."  She didn't let it bother her that he had turned his back to her, instead Finchtuft leaned back on her haunches and plopped down on her rump to make herself comfortable.  She held back the idea of mentioning making Thornflame proud... Finchtuft thought it better not to bring up the still heartbreaking event that lead to this situation.  

She swallowed as she looked at the back of this young cat that just wanted to be alone, "Is there anything I can do?" She didn't know if she'd get hostility back- another leave me alone or something so she offered suggestions, "Have you eaten?  Or we could go for a walk, get some fresh air?  We don't have to talk about anything specific if you don't want to."

[Broadwaykat]

Martenpaw growled in the face of Finchtuft's attempts to get him out of his nest. He knew what he wanted to tell her. He wanted to tell her that all he wanted was to be left alone to do as he pleased. He was an older apprentice; and in his own mind he should have been good enough to care for himself, to do right by his clan. If Thornflame had to be gone, then they should know that he had taught him everything worthwhile. That there should be no point in trying to teach him anything else, if there was nothing he wanted to learn. 

So why not leave him be? He didn't want to go out there. To face the world just yet; because, well...Look where it had gotten Thornflame. Maybe he should stay inside right now.

"I don't need anything! I don't need anything from anyone, or - " Of course, at that moment, his own body chose that moment to betray him, as his own stomach grumbled loudly. 

Okay, maybe he had skipped breakfast....day or two. "I can get on fine by myself, you know?! Just give me...space." It might have seemed like a long time to the rest of his clan. But then again...they hadn't seen him. They hadn't found Thornflame - he had. And his clan had done nothing to protect his mentor...so why would they be worried about him?!

[Storm]

Finchtuft
IvyClan | Medicine Cat Apprentice | She-Cat | 51 Moons | Heterosexual

The she-cat's head tilted at his belly's betrayal, she stifled a chuckle at the unfortunate timing.  "Hmmm..." she hummed, not quite condescending but more like a mom would scold her kit.  "I'm sure you can take care of yourself now, but if you don't eat you won't be able to for much longer."  Finchtuft didn't bother going to fetch the apprentice freshkill, she was sure he'd just turn his nose up at it.  Instead she shifted in her seat a bit, a yawn parted her jowls and a pink tongue curled between her fangs.  Snapping her mouth closed she glanced back to the apprentice.

Silence passed over them for some time before she spoke again, "What are you most excited for... when you're a warrior?"  Her thoughts wandered, reminisced to her first moons as a warrior.  She seemed a bit different now.  "I loved the freedom, I could go out to my favorite spots in the territory whenever I wanted.  I love being up in the trees ya' see- you should see me drop down on birds, they never expect you to come from above.  When I was first starting out though I thought I was invincible.  I went after a bird that was even feistier than I was and I fell.  I felt so alive, claws slashing out at my prey, even the fall was exhilarating, but when I landed I busted my paw up good.  It's never been the same since.  I think that's just life, StarClan had to make sure I knew that I could fall and would have to suffer the consequences if I did.  Ever since then I just roll with what I've got."  Wow, that made her feel like an elder, sharing something like that.  That had been the last time she hunted birds like that, her paw couldn't take landing like that anymore, but that was why it was her favorite memory.  

[Broadwaykat]

Martenpaw didn't do much at first but grunt, curling in on himself harder as if he was trying to punish his own belly for betraying exactly how hungry he was. Of course, Finchtuft seemed to ignore that after her first comment, and truth be told as she began to wax on about her own stories of warriorhood, he found himself relaxing again. Not that he didn't leave his nest or anything, but he subtly uncurled so that his head was resting on his paws in a more relaxed way. He was, despite himself, listening to her. 

"I wouldn't have fallen, you know. If it were me." He added after a moment - a bit of his old self shining through as he immediately went to how much better a warrior he would be, eventually. "That's why your a Medicine Cat, I guess...if you can't chase a bird without bustin' up." Perhaps it wasn't the most tactical or cooth way of reacting - but it was a promise that Martenpaw was acting at least a little bit like his old self, even if he still refused to move from his bed. 

Still, as he went on, there was a dullness to his voice which had never been there before - missing from his usual gleeful boasting. 

"I guess...I guess I looked forward to proving I could do stuff too, y'know?" He flicked his tail irritably as he continued. "That I can fight, and I can hunt - better than anyone no matter what. To use the stuff I've been shown without having someone breathin' down my neck all the time, tellin' me that it's not perfect." The thought of who exactly had been 'breathin' down his neck' hung unspoken in the air, only emphasized by his final exclamation.

"But I can't exactly do that now when he's not here, huh."