[ti]Private[/ti]Like a River Current

[Fireflake]

Pebbleshade dragged his paws into camp, frowning as water flung itself onto his long pelt. He had gone out to hunt early on but come home at sunhigh with nothing. Nothing except a slightly ruffled pelt. The tom continued his plod all the way to the warrior den, then flopped against the wall outside of it. Someone passing by asked if he was okay and Pebbleshade waved them along with a dismissive "just tired", which said cat accepted because it was partially true. He was tired.

Any energy he might have had today had been drained when his apprentice cut into Bearstar's ceremony to let everyone know he would be leaving MistClan. He had specifically told Pebbleshade that it wasn't his fault, but they were empty words as far as Pebbleshade was concerned. The younger tom was just trying not to hurt his feelings. Almost everyone he knew, even just a little, went missing or died. As a very young cat, the tom had considered it good luck that unhappy cats gravitated toward him so often. He could help them! But Owlpaw and Bearstar had said it best;

"Ever since I was little, I wanted to help others and protect them-"
"Is that not what you have been training to do the past six moons?"
"Not the way I was hoping."

As he grew older and disaster upon disaster dragged him down, Pebbleshade began to think it was bad luck that these cats found their way to him. But now, after everything that had happened, he didn't think that was the case at all. The river current that pulled cats in didn't have some special attraction for drowning cats, after all. It created them. And if so many cats Pebbleshade ran into seemed so unhappy around him... Maybe that wasn't a coincidence.

[gingersnapsdacat]

    Stoatwhisker stood in the shadow of the waterfall, watching as her classmates passed by. This was a pastime that she had done since her youth; watching others. This time, however, she had one cat in particular that she was looking for; Pebbleshade. It was time that they had a talk about their apprentices. Er..former apprentices? Yes..that was better. As she waited, yellow eyes glinting in the light that filtered through the falls, Stoatwhisker could not help but wonder what she was going to do when Pebbleshade did arrive. She had never really been one for 'comfort' or 'empathy'. It just was not her thing. But Pebbleshade was her friend, or at least, she liked to think that she had a decent relationship with him, and this was what friends were meant to do... He had comforted her when her apprentice ran away, so now it was her turn. 
    She paused for a moment, a grey pelt catching her gaze. She waited for a few more heartbeats before she padded after him towards the warriors den. 
    "Hey Pebbleshade," she meowed, sitting down beside him. "Soo...you wanna talk about it?"
    Stoatwhisker did not need to specify what it was. She was sure Pebbleshade would know. 

[Fireflake]

Pebbleshade sat up into a more presentable position as Stoatwhisker greeted him. He dipped his head and his gaze naturally dropped to the ground. He decided to leave it there. This action was, evidently, a greeting and not a nod, because the grey warrior failed to say anything in the following moments. When he did, it wasn't anything particularly useful. "No."
A short pause. "Maybe."

Another short pause. Pebbleshade shook his head. He finally looked up again. "Thank you, Stoatwhisker. It's nice that you care to ask, but I doubt that spreading the negativity would help anything."
He was upset, and it showed, but it was no rival for the dizzying gush of emotions he'd felt when it happened. They seemed to have done their damage and drained away. "I'm afraid I don't have any optimistic sayings this time."
Pebbleshade looked back to his paws.

[gingersnapsdacat]

    Stoatwhisker waited for Pebbleshade to settle on a response. She knew all too well the feeling of not wanting to talk, but feeling that you needed to. She was not going to push Pebbleshade unless she really thought it was necessary. In the meantime, she began to gently groom her own snowy pelt, as if the sight of the familiar action would make both her and Pebbleshade more comfortable. 
    "Thank you, Stoatwhisker. It's nice that you care to ask, but I doubt that spreading the negativity would help anything."
    Stoatwhisker studied the grey tomcat out of the corner of her eye. It was obvious that this had really hit him hard. Back when Featherpaw ran away, she had been confused, upset, and unsure of herself. She had no idea why Featherpaw left. She still did not know. Pebbleshade, however, did get to see his apprentice go. He knew exactly why Owlpaw had left. Was that any better? Stoatwhisker did not know. 
  " I'm afraid I don't have any optimistic sayings this time." Pebbleshade mewed. 
    Stoatwhisker lowered her paw, training her gaze on the grey tomcat.
"Maybe you don't have to," she mewed, breaking the quiet. "Maybe you don't have to be optimistic. You act like a piece of driftwood for everyone to cling to, but sometimes that means that you are sinking." 

[Fireflake]

Pebbleshade fixed his gaze on Stoatwhisker again as she spoke, simply out of a desire not to seem rude, but he didn't seem to be able to look away again when she was done. He just blinked, retaining the same drained and vaguely lost look. What she’d said wasn't a new sentiment to the tom. A very old one, in fact. He'd tried to convey it to his mentor a long time ago when she was juggling his apprenticeship with raising her younger sibling. The words had dissolved in time, though. Pebbleshade realized he was staring.

"Yes, well, a piece of driftwood sounds about right. It's not as if I can swim."
He offered a shaky purr, but couldn't help noticing the bitter tone his jokes had taken on. His purr faltered and trailed off.
"Sorry, I know that's not what you meant. It's just a bit like..."
Pebbleshade paused. If he spoke now, he wasn't sure he would ever stop. He used to, used to be so sure he knew the right thing to say, but that confidence was gone now. Everything he had was gone now. So, no, he wouldn't explain.

But looking at Stoatwhisker again, the memories of their previous conversation filled up his mind and he couldn't help but feel like this was oddly similar. He had one thing at least, if he considered Stoatwhisker a friend. She certainly felt like one. He could trust her. She cared. So, no, he wouldn't explain... in camp. He simply finished, "I shouldn't sink so easily."
Then he glanced out behind the shimmering water that gushed over camp. "Would you like to go for a walk?" he asked quietly. "We could mark the borders."

[gingersnapsdacat]

    Stoatwhisker was not sure whether or not she was meant to laugh at Pebbleshade's weak attempt at a joke.
 "Sorry, I know that's not what you meant. It's just a bit like..."
   The white she-cat readied herself for the long pouring out of words that she was sure would come. But after his long pause, Stoatwhisker realized that the explanation was not going to come. Perhaps it was never going to. In that moment, she was not exactly sure what she was meant to do. This was not what was supposed to happen! A part of her felt like stomping and groaning like an unruly kitten.
    You aren't doing it right! You are supposed to spill out your feelings, and I'm supposed to put them all together again like a shattered rock! Now get it right!
    But luckily for both her and Pebbleshade, Stoatwhisker was able to keep that part of herself tucked far away. No tantrums today please, not for her. 
    "I shouldn't sink so easily."
    For a heartbeat, the white she-cat just looked at Pebbleshade, trying to decide if she agreed. It was not exactly what she was picturing, but he was going along with the analogy, so...that was good. And he looked as if he was making some sort of improvement, though she was not exactly sure how. 
    "Would you like to go for a walk? We could mark the borders."
    Stoatwhisker nodded. "Yes, I think that would be...nice." If nothing else, then at least their paws could move. 

[Fireflake]

Pebbleshade's shoulders slumped in relief before the muscles tensed again to push away from the stony wall. He was quiet until the two had padded past the waterfall, starting down one of the smaller paths to the forest. Once he was sure the sounds of the woods would shield his words from less friendly ears, Pebbleshade muttered, "I don't know... I'm not exactly sure where to start."
These feelings had started before Owlpaw, hadn't they? He flicked an ear. It took a few more moments for him to speak again. "I didn't see it coming. He said-- he said-"

Pebbleshade shook his head. "Was I not there for him? Or was I… distracted? He said that it wasn’t about me, he told me I was a good mentor, but he also said that he didn’t get what he needed out of his training. That he felt like he couldn’t help his clanmates. That he’d been thinking about it for a while."

The grey tom’s voice wavered. He dipped his head away. "I'd thought… I thought... that it was going well with him."

He looked at his paws. "And see? I'm rambling. And you don't want to hear this anyway. You know- sorry, I don't mean- Well, things were a bit different for you, but you get what I mean."