[ti]Private[/ti]To love someone so much to have no control

[Miss Tactical]

 He Had asked the blue she-cat to meet him where the fields once stood, he had been strong for so long and didn't realize how much he needed her right now. He was so lost without her. In reality he felt broken. having his clan sleep without dens, they had managed a make shift den for Cherryhawk and her kits, but what would happen when Leaf-bare rolled around. He had walked all the way to the two-leg city prior, having picked the prettiest flowers he could find, it had been awhile since the two had just talked, he looked to the stars, lost about what to do for his clan, and although he would show it to no one else, at times he felt like giving up, ready to break down. He sighed softly when the familiar scent hit his nose among the ashes. His eyes brightened up as he picked up one of his flowers.

"I picked this for you." He mewed softly. He bumped his nose into the she-cats fur, a purr rumbling into his throat. "I've been so busy I don't think I've told you I loved you lately." He mewed softly. He felt a lump form in his throat, he could be himself with Bellfeather, she got it, she understood him. He closed his eyes tightly as his breathing staggered ever so slightly. "Bellfeather sometimes I think I'm no good at this...and I'm failing everyone....my beautiful mate, my family...our clan....StarClan has punished us but for what reason...I am so lost and I don't know what to do anymore..." His tail brushed over her flank as he looked up to the stars. "But I stay strong for us and them..." HE whispered as he looked over his shoulders at the sleeping bodies.

He blinked slowly as he piked up one of the white flowers he picked gently with his teeth, weaving the stem in between her blue gray tendrill fur before stepping back. "Perfect." He murmured softly. The way the moon made her fur look took his breath away. "Just as beautiful as the day we met!" He mewed changing the subject. "I hope you do not feel...I am failing you Bellfeather that is my biggest fear in life...to fail those whom I care deeply about..." He mewed. His eyes went back to the twinkling stars over head, he could only hope that StarClan had better days for them. 

[mewmehh]

The days beneath the sun since leaving Mistclan's cramped quarters had the clan in small spirits; so vulnerable in their silence, left all alone to their own devices in the shell of their home. It all felt so surreal and Bellfeather felt herself at a loss for words most days. She would share passing fancies with the occasional grooming companion or one of her sons. Fleeting looks of love were sent her mate's way, but so swept up in his work, the blue queen wondered if Eveningstar noticed. The sound of his voice and the warmth it made her feel was enough of a reminder of their love, but even the she-cat so relaxed and level-headed felt forlorn as a little niggling feeling of doubt probed her thoughts, unwelcome.

The request of her leader was a peculiar one and it had caught her a bit off guard, but smiling, Bellfeather was more than pleased to indulge him. She had spent much of her day out on the hunt, but as the sky turned purple and black, she retired for the day to spend the last fleeting moments of the day with her beloved.

Bellfeather snuck ever-so-silently out from the masses of slumbering cats. She was only traveling a few short paces away, but the feeling was breathtakingly exciting as it filled her up with the same sensation she felt when she would sneak out in her youth. To taste the territory with the winds of freedom carrying her paws propelled her to chase her heart, and this night, Eveningstar was all that her heart yearned for.

A breath caught in her throat as she stopped a foxlength or so away, taking in the sight of the black tom's back against the night sky. For the first time that moon, Bellfeather felt light as her namesake as butterflies fluttered in her belly. Padding over to meet him, the blue warrior found herself lacking the words to greet him, but it seemed Eveningstar could pick up her slack. His voice was soft and ever so perfect; a melodic, deep tune reserved for only Bellfeather herself, it was her favorite thing in all the world.

"It's beautiful," she purred graciously, her aquamarine gaze sparkling. As he moved to touch her, Bellfeather hummed loudly and gave a lilting little laugh as he continued speaking. Turning her face to press her nose into his cheek, she beamed brightly, "Oh, my dear. I know it, but I'm always excited to hear you say it again." Her warm smile faltered as Eveningstar's sat back and closed her eyes, the pained expression flashing across his features making the queen feel sick. She sat silently, listening to his unbridled words. Unpolished and unprotected. Not a leader, but just another cat with a heart and feelings and thoughts and it made Bellfeather's own chest ache on behalf of her mate. Their eyes both scanned over their clan and Bellfeather sighed softly, moving to rest her head against his body. The rhythmic beat of his heart quelled her pain a bit, though the therapy was interrupted by the scarred tom shifting to move.

Biting back a reflexive whine at the sudden cold she felt as he moved, Bellfeather blinked wide-eyed at Eveningstar. She had failed to register what he was doing until he pulled back and his low voice tickled her ears once more, this time with more warmth. She felt her face flush and ears turn red as a fresh white blossom graced her long fur and for the first time in forever, Bellfeather didn't feel calm. Not one bit. She body shivered in nerves and her brain floated like a lovesick kit. His quick exclamation was all it took to push the she-cat over the edge, and she bowled over the tom.

A bundle of giggling, purring powder grey fur rolled beside Eveningstar as she nestled her head under his chin. "You could never fail me, Eveningstar. You make me proud, every single day." Rasping a gentle lick against his cheek, she cooed, "The stars in the Silverpelt cannot even amount to how proud you make me."

[Miss Tactical]

Eveningstar felt himself being knocked over by the blue warrioress quickly falling to his back eyes looking up at the stars as she tucked her head under his chin. He watched the rise and fall of her head as he inhaled, then exhaled  as he carefully swiped his tongue between her ears, a relaxing purr rumbling in his throat. For once he felt at east, and not as the high strung leader that he had to be in order to keep his clan safe and alive. That was his job, but for now he was free like he was when he was a young warrior. He remembered sneaking out of camp when he was an apprentice back in MistClan running through the fields wondering what else was out there for him, and now here he was. Perhaps by chance? Had he really earned this role. He chuckled softly when he remembered the green leaf when Bellfeather and he just warriors patrolled the tracks she had him so flustered he didn't even know how to respond.

"Remember a few green-leafs ago when we got sent on a patrol to explore the tracks? I was so serious and you were just wanting to have fun you had me so flustered I didn't even know what to do." He chuckled softly remembering at the end of the patrol, Bellfeather had him in laughter, something he had not done in quite some time since his accident that left his face scarred up and damaged. Since his accident as an apprentice and early warrior hood, he had been bitter, but soon life went on and he lightened up even having Snowball fights with his clan a few leaf-bares later in the snow.

"You know when I found out you were having kits I was jealous eyeing everyone suspiciously." He joked despite being with Ruststripe at the time, Bellfeather was a breath of fresh air. "but I made an oath that I would be there for them and you every step of the way." Carrotflower was his son if anyone asked, Darkstorm too.... perhaps he was a bit easier on them than others. "When I found out we were having kits I was so happy and now look at them all warriors now I am so proud of them all." Thinking about their family made his heart flutter they were well behaved and caring kits, he couldn't have asked for a more perfect family.[/b] There was no doubt that MothClan once the smallest was now the biggest, not just in size, but in personality as well and he hoped he stayed that way for moons to come.

"I don't think I told you but....when I went to get my nine lives...Primrosekit she gave me one. and I will cherish that moment for the rest of days as leader" It was something he hadn't shared with her until now, keeping his lives to himself. However the she-cat deserved to know everything and he would do his best to keep her informed of everything at all times. "That bright one right there! That's her." HE mewed pointing to the sky with one of his paws. "She told me...that She liked to think I would have loved her too, but there is no past tense loved....I do love her and she was beautiful like her mother. and I know when I lose a life each one will be to a visit to her," He mewed with a firm nod. His daughter....even though not biologically he cared for all of the kits...and would continue to do so until the day he died.