It's Not So Bad

[LupTacco]

My tea's gone cold, I wondering why I got out of bed at all
The morning rain clouds up my window, and I can't see at all
And even if I could it'd all be grey, but your picture on my wall

It reminds me that it's not so bad, it's not so bad

"Mom, hurry up!"

The harsh voice of her roughest son made her ears twitch, but she couldn't stop a weary smile from gracing her muzzle. "Always in such a rush, Mothsnarl," Bearstar chided him gently, "it's only a walk." Making her way towards the camp entrance, she was honestly grateful for his loud voice- the waterfall had an awful tendency to make it hard to pick out the shape of the camp anymore with all its noise constantly echoing around. Mothsnarl's gruff speech was like a beacon in the dark. Brushed her tail along his side, they leaned into each other affectionately for a moment before pulling away and falling into step, making their way out of the camp and ducking beneath the thin sheet of water that covered the exit with a couple of other warriors in tow- Dustfur and Orchidfeather. "You remember where the fox was sighted?" her tone hardened some as she addressed their reason for heading out. Mothsnarl opened his maw to respond, but was interrupted by the bored mrrowl of the ginger tabby behind him.

"Yeah, down in the trees near that farm, as usual. Probably waiting for that twoleg to drop his guard so it can snag a few hens," Orchidfeather scoffed, shaking her head to deter a fly that was buzzing around her ears. Mothsnarl shot an acidic glance back at her for answering before him, though only Dustfur caught it, looking away nervously. Bearstar hummed to herself in thought, her tail-tip flicking back and forth.

"Must be a younger fox if that's what it's up to. The barn is never unguarded," she commented, musing to herself as she recalled the two cats that called it home, "More likely to be searching for mice and hares in the fields." She could hear Orchidfeather sigh behind her, muttering to herself. "If anyone is afraid they won't be able to cooperate today, they are free to head home," Bearstar added tersely, swinging her head around to 'look' in the direction of the warrior's voice for a moment. Satisfied with the silence she was responded with, the MistClan leader returned to her thoughts, half-focused on navigating and the rest on plans for dealing with the predator lurking in the woods.

A tail flicked in front of her chest, stopping her suddenly. "Fox-scent was here before," Mothsnarl grunted, and she could almost picture him glaring around at the trees as if the fox was going to come out from behind one any minute now. The scent was stale for the moment, however, and the small patrol branched off around the area, keeping within speaking distance. Holding her head low to pick up on the trailing scent, Bearstar held her jaws open to breathe it in, pausing as she passed a thicket. Poking it gently with a paw, it seemed to be a fairly dense one, but not immovable. She pawed at it, prying it with her claws until she had made a small opening and stuck her nose through it. Immediately the fur on her spine prickled- the trail was much, much stronger through the thicket.

"Mothsnarl-" Bearstar had turned to speak to her son and get a warning out, when an alarmed yowl shattered the peace, sending the birds overhead flying away in a panic. She couldn't tell quite where but she recognized the voice as Dustfur's, and seconds later he burst from the grass just a few tail-lengths to her right. As the metallic scent of blood reached her, she was flooded with concern and anger. The heavy steps of the fox were clearly audible to her now, and she crouched until she could pinpoint their source and charge forward. A hiss seethed through her teeth, her claws gripping onto the fox with all her strength as it twisted with a high-pitched yap, trying to pry her off of its flanks. "Get help from the camp!" she barked at the other three. She could catch snippets of argument between them but her attention remained on the fox, though with relief she heard two sets of pawsteps bound away into the woods. Unaware that her relief had loosened her grip some, she gasped in shock as she felt herself slip down off the fox's back and soon felt sharp teeth pry into her skin. Before she could react, she felt limp and cold, then felt the warmth of the sun on her fur.

Opening her eyes, she blinked in wonder a few times as she realized she could see once again, before realizing where she was. It had been a while since she had seen the sunny hunting grounds of StarClan. In spite of the battle below, she felt calmness wash over her as someone approached- someone awfully short, if they weren't even tall enough to be seen through the hip-height grass yet. Her breath caught in her throat as she first heard and then saw the brown-furred little tomcat that hopped from the grasses into the small clearing, "Mom! You're back!" Blinking in disbelief, she stared wide-eyed at the starry-furred kitten as he bounded up to her, his tail weaving in a happy "s"-shape.

"Fishkit..?" she murmured, not sure whether to cry or laugh. She hadn't been prepared to see him again. The kitten, nearly identical to her, nodded enthusiastically. Leaning down, she tentatively touched noses with her long-lost son, as if to make sure he was really there, before looping a paw around him and drawing him close to her, beaming down at him with tearful eyes. Another rustle in the grass drew her attention up, and her smile faltered at the sight of another familiar tom. A waterfall of sleek sun-colored fur framed his gentle face, where a pair of green eyes looked at her with an unreadable emotion. Her jaws parted to say something, but nothing would form. What could she even say for herself, really? She knew she had failed to live up to his hopes for their family, much as she tried to be there for their remaining children. Shame burned beneath her fur, and she looked away as he spoke.

"Bearstar," Goldenmane began, pausing as a glint of anger flickered in his eyes before dimming down to disappointment- though there was still love there. "I know things were hard on you, and that you must have felt so alone after I was gone. I... do not approve, but I suppose I understand." His speech was concise and curt, causing her to wince slightly. She wasn't sure he'd forgiven her, or if she could ever expect him to, but understanding would have to be enough. With a sigh, he spoke up again, his tone softer this time, "I saw that you named our children. Hootswoop, Mothsnarl, and Roundface. They're lovely names." Daring to look up and meet his gaze, she smiled faintly once she saw there wasn't any anger there. She went to respond again, but alarm creased her features as she remembered something important-

"Mothsnarl is fighting a fox. I need to go back," she spoke with urgency, but Goldenmane's expression didn't change. Disbelief clouded her vision, her claws curling out into the ground, "Don't you care about him? Send me back- now." Slowly, the tom shook his head.

"It's my turn to apologize to you, it seems. The fox bit through your spine- StarClan's power is sometimes miraculous, but there are wounds even we cannot heal," he murmured, touching the tip of his tail to her side comfortingly. The brown-furred queen stared at the ground, trying to remember how many lives she was supposed to have after this- four, wasn't it? Four lives snatched in a single minute. And her son, fighting for his life after witnessing her die. She hoped help would arrive for him soon- he was a tough one, but this was a heavy burden to place on him so quickly. "I'm sure Mothsnarl can handle himself," Goldenmane added carefully, as though he could read her thoughts. "As for your stolen lives- I have a gift for you. You'll see it soon." Her muzzle creased into a frown at his cryptic words, but decided not to dig into it just yet. She had other cats to revisit after so long living without them- if he still held the glimmer of belief in his heart, perhaps she would visit her brother soon. Breathing in deeply and slowly letting it out, she glanced from Fishkit to Goldenmane and pushed herself up.

"I know there's probably a lot to say but- let's just go for a walk, for a bit," though it wasn't phrased as one, it was spoken like a question, quietly asking Goldenmane for the permission to walk at his side again for the first time in a long while. He blinked at her, but nodded once. "Thank you," she added softly, moving to brush her head against his but stopping herself, flicking her tail at his side instead. "Let's come along then, Fishkit," she turned a warm gaze onto the kitten, who grinned back and hopped forward, leading the two older cats onward as they walked side by side in peaceful silence.

...

I drank too much last night, got bills to pay, my head just feels in pain
I missed the bus and there'll be hell today, I'm late for work again
And even if I'm there, they'll all imply that I might not last the day

And then you call me and it's not so bad, it's not so bad

...

"And stay out, maggot-mouth!" Mothsnarl roared as his claws raked through the fox's pelt with vengeance one last time before it slipped away into the forest. Breathing raggedly, he waited until even its scent was dim before letting himself relax slightly. Turning around, his left front leg almost gave out from beneath him- a nasty puncture wound from the fox's teeth left pinkish-red streaks in the white markings beneath it, and his right ear was torn to pieces. "Thanks for showing up late," he snapped at the first cat he spotted behind him, his tail lashing as he nodded at his shoulder, "didn't seem like a pup to me. What idiot even reported sighting it!? I'll take their eyes out- they're clearly not using them right anyway." A growl rumbled in his throat, spurred on both by the heat of battle, disgust at the fear that had crept into his heart while fighting the surprisingly large fox, and the pain and ache that thrummed through his body. And yet, he felt like he had somehow forgotten something in the heat of it all- but he remembered quickly as Dustfur padded up to him with an even more pitiful look than Mothsnarl usually saw him wearing.

"Um- Bear- Bearstar is.. she isn't, um. She's n-not getting up," the black-furred tom mumbled, instinctively shrinking away from the now-orphaned tom whose mind took a moment to process what that meant. "I-I'm s-sorry. Um. I'll j-just leave you alone, n-now," the timid warrior backed away, moving on to attend to the wounds of others as much as he knew how. Mothsnarl glowered at the cats around him as his mind racked itself trying to rationalize what he'd just been told- not getting up? No way was she out of lives, was she? She was too strong and responsible for that. Dustfur must just be stupid. That made much more sense to him. Even so, that twinge of fear was weaving its way back into his heart, but for a different reason now. His legs stiff, he prowled over to where she'd charged at the fox before, buying time for Orchidfeather and Dustfur to retreat and bring back the larger group that was milling around him now. He could feel their sympathetic stares, and he hated them all for it.

"Buzz off. Go play on a thunderpath if you need some entertainment," he hissed at those around him before leaning down to nose his mother's fur. She was cold and unresponsive. Rolling her over as gently as he could manage, he felt a weight like a rock in his heart and stomach as he spotted a grisly wound at the base of her neck, deep enough to see bone. Her head was held at an angle that was just slightly wrong, and he nudged it into something more normal before standing. "One of you useless fur-rags, go find Hootswoop and Roundface. Someone else, find some queen to look after Lakekit and Robinkit," he spoke with authority, forcing his voice to be steady and calm. He had to be the strong one, he thought. Strong like she had been.

[Storm]

Hootswoop
MistClan | Warrior | She-Cat | 12 Moons | Heterosexual

Pink paw pads pounded against the earth below as the tortoiseshell queen raced out into the territory.

A warrior had burst into camp and looked around wildly.  They had immediately caught Hootswoops attention, but when they locked eyes with her and approached quickly her pelt prickled uneasily.  She was pretty good at reading her clanmates and she felt trouble just by the actions so far before they even spoke.  "Mothsnarl needs you and Roundface.  He and Bearstar-"

"Where?"  Hootswoop interrupted, their voice was full of haste and she didn't need to hear anymore if it was such a rush.  Mothsnarl and her mother needed her, she just needed to know the place. 

The warrior tried to interject, "But, your brother," but the flash of impatience in the she-cat eyes told the story that she would not wait for Roundface or repeat her question.  Besides, Mothsnarl was not a cat of nonsense.  If he sent for her it was serious.  She gathered the general direction she needed to head and rushed off.  She had never been so harsh to her clanmates before, but the panic in the warriors voice- in their eyes.  Worry bubbled in her stomach for her family, surely she'd be forgiven for that.  

Normally Hootswoop took her time passing the waterfall, fur brushing the safety of the stone wall to one side and checking her pawhold before every step.  Not today though, she charged through the roaring passage.  The large warrior never slowed her pace.  Her heart pounded and lungs burned, all fueled by an anxiety fueled adrenaline rush.  She sucked in big breathes and she tasted the blood before she found the area the battle had occurred.  A shiver rippled through her body as she adjusted her flight slightly to chase the scent directly.  Hootswoop burst through the bushes and into some tall grass where she skidded to a stop.  She quickly scanned the opening where the smell originated and spotted Mothsnarls pelt, a few bounds and she was at his side and her world shattered.  

The whole race she'd run through worse case scenarios, what could Bearstar and Mothsnarl get themselves into?  Her mother laying unresponsive, her brother bloodied at her side- this was not one of them and certainly not one she was prepared for.  

No words could push free of her maw, the she-cat was frozen.  Her golden-green eyes wide as they looked down on her mothers body.  Unlike Mothsnarl, she knew exactly how many lives her mother held.  She didn't see the gruesome injury that stole them all away thanks to her brother though.  Hootswoop didn't dare look for it either, she could smell the fox scent and she couldn't bare the thought of seeing how her mother was struck down so violently.  Finally, she collapsed down.  Burying her face into Bearstars brown pelt.  Her ribcage shook as she drew in shaky breaths.  Bearstar was cold, a sure sign she'd passed into StarClan to meet her father and lost littermate. 

Hootswoop should have been here, at her mothers side like she normally was.  It wasn't that she doubted Mothsnarl did his part to prevent this, but her mother was blind- she had no place fighting a quick and agile foe.  She lifted her paws and head from her mothers body, the chill offering Hootswoop no comfort.  She shifted to her brother instead and leaned into his chest.  She didn't expect any kindness from him, it wasn't Mothsnarls way to deal with such delicate matters, she only hoped he'd wait to fill her in with the details until she felt less fragile.  Less like her remaining parent was ripped away from her.  StarClan took what it wanted as always.  They now only left her and her two brothers and a clan her mother had led bravely.  She'd have cursed them if she could have found any words.